Choosing Resilience - Phases Archive

Holding my wife’s hand in public is at times more quiet resilience, but also can be quite a big thing. When we first got together, we were at Leeds Station saying goodbye, so we had a hug and kissed very briefly... And I was aware of somebody walking past that went “ew” and we both looked at each other and laughed a bit because, what on earth? and then turned around. It was one of the cleaners at the train station. I immediately reported it to the British Transport Police, who were incredibly supportive and disgusted at what had happened. Long story short, this woman was prosecuted and fired. So I’m used to having to fight that stigma and homophobia and biphobia all the time. It doesn’t matter that we’re in 2026, it’s still there.

I remember a few years back, I was at Leeds Library and they were having one of the drag queen children’s book reading [events]. I was sat in the cafe with a friend, and all of a sudden there was this big demonstration outside. So there was lots of us and this quite small group of ridiculous people outside. And it upset me so much because it was like, “I’ve done all this. I shouldn’t have to be doing this again, and nobody’s hurting anybody. What’s your problem?” So we went outside and we kind of stood in solidarity and shouted at the demonstrators. And I actually ended up having a chat with somebody who wasn’t sure what was going on, and managed to educate them.

I think every day, just living as a bisexual woman in a lesbian relationship with another bisexual woman, we have to constantly come out because people make the assumption that we’re lesbians. Having to constantly reiterate who we are every single day and having to make that choice is... I think it is an act of rebellion and education. Constantly.